When your family member or a friend is drinking too much, we can understand how it feels for you as a loved one. You worry about them losing themselves to alcohol, and somewhere or other, it becomes overwhelming for you, too. Still, you feel somewhat uncomfortable broaching the topic – you do not know how they will react if and when you bring it up. But do not worry, you are not alone in this journey. In this article, we will tell you how to help someone with an alcohol addiction without losing yourself.
What Are the Signs That Someone Might Be Struggling With Alcohol Use Disorder?
If you want to know how to help someone struggling with alcohol addiction (alcohol use disorder), then you must know how to recognize the signs that someone might be struggling with this condition in the first place. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) informs us of the following signs and symptoms of alcohol addiction:
- Strong cravings and urges to use alcohol.
- Drinking more heavily and frequently than intended.
- Prioritizing alcohol use over everything in life – studies, career, relationships.
- Spending a lot of time acquiring and using alcohol.
- Using alcohol despite the adverse effects on physical and mental health.
- Drinking alcohol under high-risk circumstances, like driving or operating heavy machinery.
- Developing tolerance for alcohol, which is needing more quantities of alcohol to achieve the desired effect.
- Experiencing highly unpleasant withdrawal symptoms in case of reducing or quitting alcohol abruptly.
Alcohol use disorder is when one is marked by heavy and uncontrolled alcohol use, which is defined as 15 or more drinks in a week for males and 8 or more drinks in a week for females. It is different from ordinary drunkenness in that alcohol takes control over your loved one’s life so much so that they put alcohol before everything else – at the cost of their career, relationships, and sometimes, even their life.
Should You Talk to Your Loved One? If Yes, How?
If you recognize the aforementioned signs and symptoms in your family member or a loved one, you need to talk to them. But there are some dos and don’ts to this conversation. We will tell you how.
The Do’s
First, educate yourself. If you suspect alcohol use disorder, then find out whatever you can about the signs and symptoms as well as the effects of alcohol on the mind and body. You need to have your facts at your fingertips before you speak to your loved one.
Timing is crucial. Do not speak to your loved one when they are drunk or stressed out; time the conversation right. Choose a time when they are sober and speak to them in a relaxed setting. Remember, you need to have a clear mind for this as well.
Focus on the alcohol. It is the alcohol that is the enemy and not the person. So, explain to your loved one how alcohol can affect their mind, body, and spirit. Express your concern, but do not push them toward anything just yet. In time, change will come.
Listen to your loved one. A conversation can never be one-way; you need to listen to your loved one, too. Understand where they are coming from and when they believe they are doing what they are doing. Empathize, but do not enable. Be there for them, always encouraging them to seek the care they need and deserve.
Be prepared for denial and defensiveness. This is common. However, rest safely in the knowledge that this conversation is like planting a seed in your loved one’s mind. It will take time to grow, but eventually, with your support and encouragement, they will get there.
Have a practical plan with you. Whenever your loved one is ready to recognize that they are struggling and need to get better, then you need to have a plan to nudge them in the right direction. Find licensed and trained mental health practitioners who can provide psychotherapy and counseling, look for local Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings, and even explore some rehabilitation (rehab) facilities near you. Be with them in this journey, ease them into it by offering practical help.
Seek outside help. You do not have to do this on your own. Have your support system with you or even contact trained mental health providers who can direct your loved one accordingly.
The Don’ts
Do not confront or blame the person. Remember, you need to target the alcoholism and not the person. If you come off as too strong and too personal, this conversation can easily backfire. Be empathetic and caring in your communication. Yet, be clear.
Do not cover up for your loved one. It can be difficult to watch your loved one being on the receiving end of their alcohol use, but do not make excuses or cover up for them. If they do not see the consequences of their alcohol use, they might never want to get better.
Do not lose yourself. It is understandable that you care deeply for your loved one, but you will not be in a place to help them if you do not care for yourself. Self-care is important; have a life outside of this relationship and take a step back when needed. Have a strong support system around you that you can lean on. Seek therapy or counseling if you have to.
Do not take your safety for granted. If you feel your safety is being threatened or jeopardized, do not hesitate to remove yourself from the environment or call emergency services like 9-1-1.
What If They Deny Their Alcohol Addiction?
Even when you can clearly see that your loved one is losing themselves to alcohol, they may deny that there is even a problem in the first place. This might startle you, confuse you, and even frustrate you, but denial is a very real aspect of the alcohol addiction cycle. It becomes an automatic defensive mechanism that helps your loved one avoid facing the realities of their alcohol use.
So, what do you do if they deny their alcohol problem?
- Be prepared. Denial is going to be a very obvious obstacle; acknowledge it is going to be there.
- Do not judge, blame, or confront the person. This can only be counterproductive.
- Ask open-ended questions; this will allow them to introspect and slowly move toward change.
Encourage them toward treatment, but do not push. For instance, you can tell them how you think alcohol use is affecting them and how treatment can help them get better. Use “I” statements for clarity.
Know when to seek professional help. Denial can be very difficult to get past, but trained therapists and counselors know how to break these defense mechanisms.
How Can You Support Without Enabling?
There is a thin line between caring and enabling when it comes to alcohol use disorder. When you consistently cover up or protect your loved one from the consequences of their alcoholism, it can only become detrimental to them in the long run. It can become overwhelming for you, too.
To support your loved one without enabling them, you need to set boundaries. While boundaries often come with negative connotations, they are much needed for a relationship to flourish. So, you set personal boundaries as to what you will and will not tolerate in regard to their drinking. For instance, you can let your loved one know that you will not tolerate alcohol use at home. Your boundaries are personal to you, but wherever you choose to draw the line, communicate it clearly. Stick to your boundaries, do not let them get violated.
While you can be the shoulder to lean on during difficult times, do not enable drinking behaviors. Instead, keep encouraging them toward treatment. Let them know you love them and you will always be there for them whenever they intend to take the first step toward recovery.
How Can You Take Care of Yourself While Helping Them?
Alcohol use disorder does not just impact the person; it damages family and friendships as well. It is easy to lose yourself when your loved one is struggling with an alcohol addiction, but this must not be the case. You need to take care of yourself, too, even as you help them. Here are some ways you can do it:
Speak to someone you trust. It helps to open up and share. This trusted someone can be your family member, friend, primary healthcare provider, or even a trained counselor.
Join a support group. Support groups like Al-Anon and Families Anonymous hold local and online meetings that you can attend. As you meet and share with family and loved ones going through similar struggles, you build a strong support system you can lean on.
Engage in self-care. Take time off and prioritize yourself. You can pursue your interests or just pamper yourself with a day at the spa or the like. Similarly, you can care for yourself every day by eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and following a consistent sleep schedule.
When Is It Time to Step Back or Seek Professional Help?
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, emotional and moral support is just not going to be enough – and that is okay. It is important to recognize the signs that professional intervention is needed:
- Worsening physical and mental health
- Denial despite real consequences
- Repeated relapses
- Threatening or dangerous behaviors toward themselves or others.
These circumstances often go beyond what you can handle all by yourself. Stepping back at this point does not mean you have failed; it just means you are acknowledging your own limits and choosing the best path forward for yourself and your loved one. Seek outside help, whether it is via your primary healthcare provider, a therapist, or a rehab center. They can provide the care your loved one truly needs.
Alcohol use disorder is treated in clinical settings with medical detoxification (detox), psychotherapeutic interventions, medications, and social support. With time and effort, a full recovery is achievable. As a loved one, you can be involved in the treatment as well. Many rehab centers even encourage this, as the recovery journey becomes easier when the person is surrounded by love and support.
A Word From Skyline
Knowing how to help someone with a alcohol addiction is a combination of recognizing the signs and symptoms of alcohol misuse, knowing what to talk about and when, and also stepping back to seek professional help when things become too overwhelming or dangerous. In a nutshell, you do not have to do this on your own; Skyline Recovery Center is always there for you and your loved one. We offer outpatient rehab options for alcohol use disorder, where we take a personalized approach to your loved one’s care so that the treatment we provide is relevant to their needs and goals.
If your loved one is struggling with alcohol addiction, do not delay recovery any longer. Please call us at (424) 353-5206, and we can take this journey toward sobriety together – one step at a time!